19 Dec Episode 42: The Biggest Wins and Biggest Losses in my Creative Journey This Year
Big news – we are trending in Kenya!! Thank you to my Kenyan listeners.
This is my last episode for 2019. Last year, I did an episode on goal setting and how much I love the end of the year because it’s a time to reflect on the past year and plan for the next year. If you struggle with goal setting check out last year’s episode and download my goal setting worksheet.
December is a difficult month for me. I always find myself in a funk. This year I feel like I’m in a funk because I feel I didn’t accomplish as much as I had hoped. But thank goodness for Instagram for reminding me of all the things I did accomplish!
I knew 2019 was not going to be the best year. I was in a miserable job and would spend the first 7 months of the year actively job searching. And when you start a new job, most of your time is focused on the learning curve and doing a great job. I did get super lucky with my new job – I was on the launch team for Disney+ so there’s a win there, but man was I busy!
Comedy took a back burner this year. I didn’t do half as many shows as I would have liked, but I also didn’t try. I said no to more shows then yes. And as I’m saying this I’m contemplating if it’s time to stop doing comedy and focus my attention elsewhere. Perhaps comedy is a stepping stone to something else. Or maybe it was a means to find myself.
I also feel I’m in a funk because I have no idea what I’m doing with my life. I want to do everything and I did, this year. I did comedy, I acted, I did radio, I did this podcast, I started a business, I played competitive sports, I tried to do it all. But where am I going? What’s the end goal?
I have no idea! And as the year went by, auditions stopped coming my way, I stopped being invited to come on the radio, my relationship began to fall apart, and by December all I have is this podcast. And while I love doing this podcast, I felt by now it would be further along.
I didn’t accomplish the goals I was hoping to. I didn’t do a TED talk. I didn’t write a second screenplay. I didn’t write a one-woman play for the Fringe, crap I even forgot to submit to the lottery. Or maybe I didn’t forget and I’m scared of failing? I didn’t advance my creative career. I mean both Jeff Friday, the founder of American Black Film Festival, and Bob Sumner, the founder of Def Comedy Jam commented on my lack of presence in the comedy scene this year and that put me in a bigger funk.
I feel stagnant this year as if I lack motivation and inspiration.
Yes, I had big wins. I started a business that may lead me to financial freedom. I have been podcasting for 1 full year now! Woot woot! I made it to the finals of Florida’s Funniest and did comedy in Africa. And those are big wins! But for some reason, I don’t feel fulfilled.
I didn’t win any competitions. I didn’t travel as much for comedy or speaking. I didn’t attend any festivals. I didn’t have those moments where I felt all my hard work was paying off.
I’ve been having urges to start writing. But that could be because I binged watched 5 seasons of Jane the Virgin. Which is how I’ve been spending most of my free time lately – watching TV. Which is not like me. But even with that I’ve been asked to submit writing samples for various competitions and I just sat back and watched the deadlines pass. I don’t know why I didn’t submit.
I’ve started researching MFA programs. If anyone listening has an MFA, please reach out, I would love to pick your brain. But again, I’m not sure if I really want an MFA or I’m doing it because it will surround me with creatives and hopefully inspire me.
I know in 2020 I want to select one of two goals to focus on. I realize that I can’t do everything. Over the past few weeks I’ve been in a state of exhaustion. Maybe it’s because I’m doing better waking up before work to work out lol. But I feel I need to focus my time on my main goals, because if I try to do everything I may never succeed.
The question is – what are the main goals? I have no idea!!
So I know for the next few weeks before 2020 gets here I am going to spend a lot of time thinking about what is next for me. What do I want to accomplish in 2020. And if you have any thoughts or advice, please let me know!
And it wouldn’t be a Creative Breakthrough episode without some Instragram love. If you’re new to this podcast, I love Instagram quotes. The quote for 2020 is:
Don’t be surprised if you go from depending on a paycheck to making the FORBES list! It’s your winning season.
Id love to know what your goals for 2020 are! Send me a message at email@example.com or drop it on the facebook page.
So what I’m trying to say is, if you feel unsure of your creative career or goals, it’s OK. We can figure it out together. Perhaps we can have a virtual round table or conference call with a handful of listeners and brainstorm and help each other flush out 2020 goals and ideas to act upon them. If this is something you would be interested in, let me know and let’s make it happen!
Again, as the year comes to an end, I want to say thank you to each and every one of you for tuning in to this podcast. I love sharing guest stories with you and I do hope they are informational and insightful. I wish you and your families a Happy Holiday’s. And remember, if you don’t know what to get me for Christmas, an Apple review will be awesome!
Now go flex your creative muscle and keep winning.